It is an embedded part of our human nature to try to ‘fix’ certain areas of our lives that aren’t going the way we would like.  We spend a great deal of time in our lives attempting to ‘fix’ things according to held beliefs, rather than looking at a situation from an alternative angle so that we may be in allowance of it. 

We like to be in control

The more control we try to exert over an undesirable situation, the more control you lose.  You have to let go of control totally to have control.  When you are able to let go of trying to ‘fix’ things, you will find you can see a situation holistically, understanding from a place of what it is rather than what you feel it should be. 

How many times have you tried to ‘fix’ your life?

For example, think about your past relationships.  Often we are aware that a relationship is not working but attempt to mitigate the situation with mantras such as, “If I just fix this, if I just fix me, if I just fix the other person, then it will work”.

Unfortunately this is not how it works.  If you are trying to change the other person/s or you are trying to fit yourself by changing, you are attempting to ‘fix’ it, rather than come at it from a different angle.  With a ‘fix-it’ strategy, the relationship is over; it is only a matter of time.

Remove the stress by being true to you and say, “This is not working”, and then ask “What am I trying to control here?” and then let it go.

Living by force by trying to make things work that don’t ultimately suit you will not work.  Instead living you life from ‘What can I be and do that will contribute more to my life?’

By functioning from a place of being more you are constantly in a state of opening doors to greater awareness and greater possibility.

It’s a choice, and most important is to demand of yourself that you be brutally honest and ask: “Would I truly choose this?” if the answer is no, look for different possibilities.  Ask a lot of questions, look at what choices and possibilities you have, and look at what you can contribute.

When you do this, you remove yourself from trying to ‘fix’ or change the other person.  You then love everything the way it is.  You will not sit in judgment, only love and allowance of the other person. And what’s great is you can walk away before you find yourself five or ten years down the track with extra baggage.  Most of us think we are powerful enough to go against our awareness or we are not aware at all and so try to control it by ‘fixing’ it.

Always ask:

  • What can I contribute to my life today?
  • What can I contribute to my partner or relationship? 
  • What can I contribute to others today?
  • What can I contribute to the earth today?

We always think we have to fix things, it’s about what you can contribute to make this a better place. Do you think nature tries to fix things?  It just contributes.  

Ask yourself do you need to be fixed?  No, it’s about what I can contribute to my body that will allow greater health and communion.

Stress is living someone else’s life – Be true to yourself!

Stress is when you try to live someone else’s life and neglect how you would like your life to be.  Do you ever wake up sometimes and wonder why you are doing what you are doing?  Ignoring your own wants and needs and channeling someone else’s is damaging and stressful. 

When you ask yourself that question it usually means you’re trying to live someone else’s life.  It could be the way your partner/s would like your life to be or your boss, your parents, family, or your friends. 

When we replace the wants and desires of someone else in place of our own, it is difficult to know wade through our own needs.  We don’t know if we are coming or going because it is not your life you are carrying out, but through the lens of someone else.  As Dr. Phil says, ‘How’s that working for you Bob?”


A friend of mine rang me from Wodonga who was in a difficult situation.  This is what he wrote after our session:

My relationship I had for over 2yrs ended only a month ago under what I believed at the time was a terrible break-up. I lived with this lady every day for 2 years, most of the time being with one another for the whole day until we had work. The relationship started to deteriorate over time, until finally my partner had left to QLD for a holiday and called me on the phone to tell me she was not happy and that it was my fault that she could not have the life she chose. I was later to discover that she had taken another man as her partner, and that she is "exactly where I choose to be right now".

With this information I went to work at destroying myself and placing incredible amounts of blame and regret on me for her decision. I allowed myself to suffer for a few days figuring that I could just cry it out and it would be over. In every part of my life I felt detached, and everything I saw reminded me of her and would open me up to destruction of me once again. My body was failing me too, as I could not eat or maintain an appetite and I lost 12kg of weight within 2 months, (I am 170cm and only weighed 80kg at the time). I was a wreck and the idea of suicide was very real.
I called my friend and teacher, Vince, when I was at the end of my tether. After around 30min of talking, I could feel a huge shift unfolding. Vince helped me in seeing where I had chosen my partner as the only one for me, and got me to recognise where I was refusing to see it for what it is and not what it should be and that was destroying me. He helped me to see the decisions and judgements I had been functioning from and to let go of the regret and blame that I placed on myself for her choice. What I am most grateful for was that he got me to recognise that to keep trying to get her back was not honouring of me and not honouring of her, that this was her choice that she needed to be herself and to let go of attachments and the loneliness associated with that.

I know that without Vince's support, and his knowing I would not have changed in such a way. I was quite literally, stuck in my head. I can say now that I am truly happy for my previous partner and I wish her well, where before I was only seeing how she hurt me. Much gratitude to you Vince, you are one of, if not the only one that has ever truly chosen to see me better my life and cared enough to allow me your time and to not be in judgement of me, regardless of who I am at the time. I am very grateful for how you have helped me in this and other areas of my life. - Nathaniel